Wednesday, January 20, 2010

'Thank you' doesn't seem big enough

 If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.
-- Meister Eckhardt

In the D-blogosphere lately there have been two postings that have made me think of being thankful for diabetes. Well, thankful that someone, a while back, decided that people did not have to die from having diabetes that is. Kelly  and Natural Born Cyborg both have eloquent posts about Drs. Banting and Best, the developers of insulin. Before their time in 1922, people were diagnosed with the ‘sugars’ and eventually dies of starvation – sometimes within 6 months, sometimes by the lengthy sum of 1 year. In any terms, it was a death sentence until Banting and Best discovered insulin. You can read about the doctors here.

So, I wanted to chime in. I wanted to say thank you, publicly, for insulin. Thank you for seeing that there was a way to keep people who had diabetes alive, for a very long time. I don’t think there is a D-Momma blogger out there who hasn’t at some point in the care of their child thought ‘Whoever invented and discovered this ‘liquid gold’ – I could just kiss him?’ OK, so none of you thought about the kiss?? Call me crazy, I did.

Maybe I’ll go even further. I’ll even thank the diabetes for coming into our lives.

Can someone give me a ‘What-What???’

THANK the diabetes????

OK, before people get their skirts and neckties all flustered and up in the air, I know I might not be in the majority, but hear me out on this one. I hear again and again on so many blogs and posts about the big D about how I should hate it, really hate it, in fact, pour my hate into it, day after livelong day.

Sorry guys, I can’t do it.

For me, what works for ME (read that part again cause it’s a disclaimer to how YOU might feel oh commenters of doom) is claiming the diabetes, accepting it and thanking it for being part of our lives now. It is part of my daughter now, one year into it. I cannot separate the diabetes anymore from her than I can her bright brilliant blue eyes. They are who she is. Diabetes is a part of her. It’s a part I am thankful for in her life.

I have met so many people on this journey so far. So many D-Mommas who hook me up with compassion, empathy, humor of all kinds, perseverance, and gettin' on with the gettin' on. I am thankful for all you guys and gals out there who make me and our family not feel so alone. I would not have met all of you moms, dads, PWDs in all your fabulosity. A big 'thank you' to you all - you know who you are ;0)

I might be mistaken here that if I am thankful for it, I somehow don’t wish she didn’t have it. I don’t know about you, but that whole ‘woulda, coulda, shoulda’ doesn’t work in my life. I’m real, I’m honest. I get on with it. Wishing for something that didn’t happen -  that she didn’t develop Type 1, I can’t spend my time in that land. It seems dreamy. I cannot convey to her that we are in despair because it DID happen. It was real. I walked through the fire. We all did. My feet are burned. There is no way to think about un-burning them. I am not in despair. WE are not in despair. I can regret all of what she didn’t have, but that seems so wasteful with the time I have here on earth.  I don’t have time to waste.

If I claim the diabetes and thank the diabetes, I can move on to realistically deal with it. My thankfulness gets me through it. My thankfulness for it can conquer it. My love for it loves her, completely, utterly, unconditionally. I cannot bring my self to hate it, to separate and tease it out from her. It’s where I am right now with it all. Wrapping my head around it. Will it be where I am later in her life, when she has had it for 20-30-40 years, God willing? I don’t know, can’t predict the future and don’t wanna try.

I know that I am good, here, right now, thankful that she has diabetes and she has insulin. 


k2 said...

Penny -
Thanks for the link to my blog and leaving such a wonderful comment!
I don't believe in hating diabetes either. To hate diabetes would mean I'd hate myself- a person with diabetes -and I refuse to do that.
I have enough magazines and television shows that promote aspiring to someone else's physical beauty. NO THANKS!
Kelly K

Meri said...

I read those posts yesterday too..and they really hit home.

They were words I needed to hear. I am so thankful for what we have. I am thankful my children are alive. That in itself is a blessing for sure. :)