Saturday, February 23, 2013

Her pancreas worked!

Just when I think I have the puberty hormones figured out, she has a night and day like this. Hardly needing any insulin, plummeting lows here and there, barely making it out of the 90's.


Friday, February 15, 2013

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The picture before it all

Grace needs a school photo of herself in 1st grade, for a 5th grade school yearbook project.

And I know exactly which one it is. I can see it in my mind, her blue school dress, necklace with the flower on it that she chose that morning, and most of all, I remember the obligatory 1st grade missing-teeth grin. Every one of my kids has a 1st grade missing front teeth photo. I remember chuckling when the school photos came back that year.

And just like that, the great memories I have are gone. They leave, replaced by what the 1st grade year brought us, diabetes. It was a mere 2 months after the school photo was taken that we found ourselves in the ER of our local hospital, with a diagnosis of Type 1.

The 1st grade photo brings that with it too.

I scour the 5x7 photo and I hold it close to my face. Should I have noticed something? Are her arms thinner here? Her skin looks tight. Maybe my eyes are creating illusions. Don't her eyes look a little sunken in? My God, maybe her eyes were this sunken all the time and I didn't even know! I wonder what her blood sugar was then, if we were slowly creeping toward the D, or we were already firmly planted in it's soil. I will never know. But I scour the photo for clues I missed, for something to say to me ' THERE, see it!' But I don't. I see her.

I find Grace and I give it to her.

Look how cute you were, sweetie!

Mom, I don't have any front teeth!

I know, doesn't that make it even cuter? 

I was 6, Mom. I was in Mrs. M's class that year.

Yeah, I know, honey. That photo was taken just about two months before you were diagnosed with diabetes.

Don't you wish we could go back, Mom?

I smile, but I don't know what to say. Do I wish I could go back? Wishes won't get me anywhere on this ride. I can wish and wish and wish, and we will still be where we are. I don't say any of that to her. I simply nod and smile. I don't know what to say.

It's a cute photo of you honey, it will look great for the 5th grade page in the yearbook this year.

Funny how one picture can say so much - sweetness, cuteness, reality, truth, shock, awe.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

HIGH Equation

Pod change + 2 tortillas at dinner + milk + cookie - underdosing for it all = HIGH

You're welcome.

Monday, February 4, 2013

CWD Tech Conference Weekend

CWD - Children with Diabetes - hosted a Technology Conference this past weekend in Virginia. Grace and I traveled down to just outside Washington, DC, for it. And of course, it filled me with new insights, with new ideas and most of all, a sense that Grace and I are not alone in this journey.

For Grace, it was a chance to reunite and spend time with her DBFF (Diabetes Best Friend Forever). The reunion is all so sweet. These two girls completely adore one another, and accept one another. They don't fight, they don't argue. They laugh and laugh and laugh. They are snarky together. They hold hands, they ask advice, they put arms around shoulders and always sit next to each other everywhere we go during the weekend.

They just pick up where they left off. Diabetes camp in the summer was the last time they saw each other. It's like it's a day later with these gals.

And we learn a lot, and we listen to a lot, and we talk a lot, but not always diabetes. It doesn't rule our world, not even at a CWD conference.

It's just two friends, sharing some love.