2010

2010

It will be one year with Type 1 diabetes on January 9th, 2010.

A year ago, I took her to the hospital ER suspecting something was up. In the back of my mind, as I parked the car that night at 10 pm, with Gracie in her jammies in the backseat, clutching her stuffed animal elephant, I thought ‘This could be something bad.” Little did I know it would be Type 1 diabetes. Oh sure, I had ‘googled’ her symptoms and juvenile diabetes came up as a result, but my child? Diabetes? No way.

I was so very wrong.

I will tell the whole story near her anniversary, to remember what we went through and how very far we have come.

For now, the new year. 2010.
Wow.
There are always resolutions.
Things we could do better-more of-less of-not even think of-never do’s.

Resolutions.

I surely will try to live with more grace.
I will try to always remember that it’s her diabetes and not mine.
I will tell her I understand, when really, sometimes, I can’t even imagine.
I resolve to always support her, through the rebellion, the tears and the hating of diabetes.
I will not let those people in her life who ‘know someone who suffered this and that complication of diabetes’ continue their conversation with her.
I will cut those people off in mid-sentence if I hear the words ‘complication.’
I resolve to be aware, all too fully aware, of complications, and to keep them to myself.
I resolve to always answer her questions about Type 1, honestly and truthfully, including those about complications.
I resolve to meet other little girls who have Type 1, so she can feel union with other souls.
I resolve to support myself through the diabetic online community, so that I can continue to care for her.
I resolve to see Gracie and myself as strong and competent.
I surely will thank those who have helped Gracie and me and our family throughout this year of challenge.
I resolve to keep on keepin’ on, fighting the good fight.

Dear Food Police

Dear Food Police,

Stop. Just stop. Please stop? Pretty please stop? Oh hell with it, you’re not gonna stop, so I might as well go on a little tirade.

I actually have a semi-clue as to what I am doing with this whole parent-of-a-Type-1 thing. Yes, I do know that cookies have sugar. I have heard that rumor. I even heard that sugar itself has sugar. Imagine that. Somehow I thought through our conversation tonight that it appeared I had never heard the word ‘sugar’ before, counting the number of times you mentioned it.

The shaking-the-head-at-me thing at me doesn’t really work for me either. I can see you. Gracie can see you. Everyone sees you. You are telling her not to eat that, right? I do get the drift you are conveying, that I am a clueless mom, who doesn’t even know about sugar, much less about ‘the diabetes’ and what ‘those diabetics’ should and should not eat.

You see, my dear little 7 year old, the one running around the house at warp speed right now, will not somehow magically get ‘rid’ of her diabetes by less sugar and more exercise. The Big ‘D’ ain’t going anywhere. She could exercise til dawn. Still diabetic. Not even a lick of sugar. Still diabetic. Sit still, not move and meditate real hard. Still diabetic. She’s a hard case, my gal. She has ‘got the sugars bad’ as you might phrase it.

So next time you think that you know what she should and should not eat and how best to run her life and frankly, mine, well, I suggest you start writing that book that you need to get started on. I’m sure it will sell like hotcakes.

By the way, hotcakes have sugar in them.

Thanks so much for stopping by,
Gracie’s Mom

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone!
Our first Christmas with Type 1.
We have so much to be thankful for, each and every day.
There are blessings to be had.
Sometimes you just gotta look really hard.

Uphill

It's the game of life. Do I win or do I lose? One day they're gonna shut the game down. I gotta have as much fun and go around the board as many times as I can before it's my turn to leave.
- Tupac Shakur

Sledding.
Is there anything more glorious to a 7 year old kid than zooming down a hill on a slippery plastic disc?
I thought not.
Never mind all those trees at the bottom of the hill, they only LOOK dangerous :0)
She avoided each and every one of them.

Climbing back up.
Not the best part of the whole experience,
but maybe a little but of work makes the ride worth the while.

Let it snow

The first fall of snow is not only an event, it is a magical event. You go to bed in one kind of a world and wake up in another quite different, and if this is not enchantment then where is it to be found?
- J. B. Priestley

SNOW!!! 12+, 18+ inches. Yeeeee haaaaaa!!!!

A day to...
make cookies (20 grams each),
hot chocolate (23 grams of carbs when made with milk),
dress and undress - dress and undress again (0 carbs there!)
play in the snow (definately no carbs there but watch out, cause we are gonna need some extra sugar for this!)
snack when you are bored (cheese sticks - 0, cheese puffs - 15, cheese crackers - 12, not-cheese-related, why eat it?)


The revised version of a snow day - diabetic style.

Magic and Loss

There is a bit of magic in everything, and some loss to even things out.
-Lou Reed

I try and think of the blessings that diabetes has brought into our lives. And it has, truly. I've met wonderful doctors, educators, friends, other parents. There is blessings all this, true and deep blessings. It has opened my eyes to chronic illness and my child. It has opened me to the magic that is in every day that I get to have her in my life. It is every day that we are not sick, have no complications and just keep on rolling. There are blessings in this diabetes, I am assured of that. I know that, deep in my soul. It is a part of who Gracie is now.

I now there are those out there who disagree. How could there EVER be blessings admist this illness that smacks you in the face everyday? What possible goodness can come out of it all? I understand. I'm just not in that place. I have to believe, my faith tells me that there is, and there will be, goodness to rise out of all this. It already has.

There is also loss.

Loss of Gracie's life without complications, always pounding, pounding, at the back of my head. Keep her numbers within range. See the eye doctor. Get the blood tests. Check her kidney and liver. She's 7. It's hard not to realize that in her lifetime, she will run into complications. The loss I feel with that is at times, overwhelming to me.

I think of her losses so far.

The loss of carefree childhood days. As much as I like to think that I don't revolve her life around diabetes, come on people, it does. The party goodies have to be dosed for. Halloween mounds of candy we doled out like it was a drug. Friends house visits with her medical bag tucked next to the doll she takes. Dose when she awakens, count carbs, dose for snack in the morning, lunch checks, afternoon checks, dinner checks, bed time routines. Her life is the planet turning round and round the sun of diabetes. For her, there is loss in the game we play.

Blessings and loss.
Magic and loss.
Together.

Hard.

It is easy to be brave from a safe distance.
-Aesop

Hard to be 7.
Hard to have
diabetes.
Hard to
get shots
at night.
Hard to
worry
about it
all.

Hard to
accept it,
night
after night
after night.
Hard to realize
that this
will continue,
unending,
for
a
very
long
time.

Does Not Maddre

Dear Mommy,
I love you.
Your the right Mommy
for me. Can you give me
a cookie? if i get a
shot it does not
maddre.
Love, Grace

I'm not sure which gets me more, the 'right Mommy for me' or 'it does not maddre (matter).'

You see, Gracie is a note writer. I find them all the time. On my pillow at night. On my calendar in the kitchen. Snuck into my hand when she runs into the living room. This one came two weeks ago.

Grace got her cookie, and her shot.

Beginning.

'Courage is grace under pressure.'
Ernest Hemingway


Ah, the beginning.... we will get there my friends, but first, where I'm at right now, huh?! That's the place we are taught to begin with, where we are right now. So, here we go.

I'm the mom of a young gal with Type 1 diabetes. She's 7. Her name is Grace. She also goes by the name 'Gracie,' 'G-Bird,' 'The G,' 'The Bird' and our personal favorite 'G-Bird Bird, Bird is the Word' (best sung to her in a funny voice). She responds to all. She is sweet funny, kind, curious, brave, courageous and sometimes makes me laugh so hard I pee my pants. She is the 3rd girl in our family. We've 'been there, done that' in the girl-world. Not much phases me as a mom.

Until Type 1 diabetes rocked my world. Almost a year into the diagnosis, now it just shakes my world every day.

I figure this is my chance to hash it all out. Figure it out. Get better at it. Be supported by this wonderful online diabetic community. I hope to share our triumphs, our shortcomings, our good days and the days in which I wish to be on a tropical island, alone, with my 10 records I can't live without.

So, if you're up for the journey with me, let's go...