Today is day number seventeen.
Learned the Hard Way. What's a lesson you learned the hard way? Write about it for 15 today.
It's not my diabetes
The hardest lesson I have learned about Grace having diabetes is that it's not MY diabetes, it is hers. As much as I know about it, take action on it, learn about it, study it, talk about it, blog about it, as much as I do any of those things, it's ultimately hers. Which means I do not own it in the way she does. I own the parenting part of managing diabetes, but she owns it, lock, stock and barrel.
The hardest part is realizing this as she grows up. Parenting a six year old with diabetes is different than parenting a nine, soon to be ten year old. And parenting will change when she is a preteen, a teen, a young adult and a gal all on her own. And I will change with it, that I vow. That I will keep up with what is best at each age, and learn, both what TO do, and what NOT to do, from those before me who have gone down this path. The hardest part is remembering its not mine.
The hardest part is realizing its not mine, and letting her be herself with diabetes. However she is - angry, sad, thrilled, despondent - precisely because she has every right to be. I cannot tell her how to feel and I don't try. OK, sometimes I do try, and then I step back and stop myself. Who am I to tell her how to feel? I don't know what it's like to live with it. I don't know what it's like to have the pump alarm, and click on insertion into her body, and be high and be low. I can pretend I go through those things, but does anyone really know what it's like to inhabit a life with diabetes who is not diabetic?
The hardest lesson is that it's not mine. I learn it again and again, in different ways. And each time, there is nothing I wouldn't do for her, and her diabetes.