Thursday, July 28, 2011

A1C Haunts

That's Grace's latest A1C. As in today's endo appointment.
Her last A1C, in March of this year, a mere 4 months ago?
Was 6.4

What the hell happened and why do I feel like crap about it?
I know, I know, let me start the D Mama mantra of the following phrases...
It's not a grade!
You and Grace should be proud of that A1C!
It shouldn't be a reflection of self-worth or make you feel bad!
It just tells you what you need to do, it's just a guide and one piece of the puzzle.
You should see my son/daughters A1C, I would take 7.1 in a heartbeat!
A1Cs are just glimpses into what's going on with diabetes and your daughter.

I KNOW all of these things in my head, honest I do. I just don't feel them. Hell, I say those things to other D Mamas and Papas when they are disappointed in an A1C. Truthfully, it was like a kick in the gut. I wasn't even sure I could blog about it, how's that? I wasn't even sure I could list it in the sidebar of my blog, where I list all Grace's A1Cs since being diagnosed. I am super hard on myself. I see a goal and I am there. I see 7.0 and I say that I will get it below 7.0, just to make sure. Is anyone else feeling this? I work damn hard at this diabetes game. I'm a player - or should I be cool and say I'm - a - playa (now that statement makes me laugh out loud)
I learn, I do, I react, I change, I adjust.
Damn it, 7.1?

But I DO know why it's 7.1.
I was trying so hard to avoid lows, like the 29. Yeah, that appeared about a month ago, overzealously bolusing for pizza.

And Grace grew. Like a weed.
1 1/2 inches in the last three months and 4 3/4 inches in the last year alone. Yikes.

Growth spurt hormones leave Grace reeling with high blood sugars. I think the pre hormone game has begun around here and no matter if I bolus, adjusted basals and created temp basal increases, we had two good stretches of three weeks at a time of highs that I could not get down. Then like the wind that blew them into our diabetic life (nod to Meri for those words). The wind blew them out and we were back to stable BGs. Happened during two periods of time in the last 4 months.

So, the only way out of this is up, but not really, the only way out, for me, is to go back and revisit basals and come up with a solid plan for periods of growth in Grace's life. I need to know what to do when the highs hit from puberty and growth hormones and not-just-cause-we-SWAGed-that-meal-wrong and then  won't go away.

I need to know what to do in the storm that it feels like to me. The highs when they hit Grace's BGs feel like a storm to me, I cannot even imagine what it feels like for her. I want to get out of the hormone storm and know how to get out. I want to be able to teach her how to get out too, safely and calmly. I'm not sure I know the secret to getting out, but you'll be hearing more from me when I learn what to do.

I know where I will start.
Basal test.
Meet and plan with Gary.
Log like hell.
Note when the high BG storms start to hit.
Cross my fingers.
And get on with it.
Oh, and stop feeling so damn bad about it.


Karen said...

I know you know all of the reasons you shouldn't feel bad or beat yourself up about this. I know you know 7.1 isn't terrible. I also know right now, none of that matters. So I'll just tell you there are a whole bunch of us out here who think you are doing a wonderful job!! And that I'm sending you and Grace huge hugs!!

Amy@Diapeepees said...

Once you've gotten your lowest A1C on record, I'm sure you do hate to see anything above it. We always want to replicate what's great. Totally understand.

Denise aka Mom of Bean said...

Oh, Penny, my playa! ;) Sorry for the sucky-for-you A1c...and I'll just go on record to say I'd LOVE to see a 7.1 ;) You obviously know a lot of the reasons why it was higher and obviously know what you are going to do to try to weather those hormone storms better next time around.
So, all I'm going to say is go for it you rockin pancreas mama!!
Love you!!!

Alexis Nicole said...

Since you know 7.1 is still good, and you did your best ima skip past that and say I feel you!!

I'm terrified our A1C this month, J has grown beyond normal (you've seen his dad) and that causes highs at night that won't budge.

I get it.

I know you will handle this as you always do. You rock mama!

Unknown said...

It's going to be okay. Deep breath.

Oh, wait...that was for me and our upcoming visit NEXT WEEK.

You have a plan. That's a great place to start.

Plus you're totally that always helps :)

Valerie said...

I get it. I went in with a 12.8 when I was diagnosed and managed to get it down to 6...and then over the last 2 years, it has slowly climbed up to 8.1 (!!!). Ugh. Right now it's 7.4, but knowing where I was and where I am now can be disappointing and disheartening!

But, you have a plan and plans are good. And you're GREAT at this, so I'm confident it will be lower the next time around.

Scully said...

Never really realized the impact of young kids growing until I read this. The puberty and hormones! and even MORE so for a young girl! You'll get through it. be mad, be upset and then put it away. :) we'll always be here to listen to the A1C rants!

Unknown said...

I get it. 'Nuf said. I'm a "playa" with you girl. You'll get 'er done. Meet with Gary and log/study/tweak/repeat.


Holly said...

I get it. (But I'd still like a 7.1) (for the record) You are awesome, don't let a number get you down-you are a wonderful pancreas!! : ) Hugs, girl!!

Lorraine of "This is Caleb..." said...

Well, though I understand the feelings you expressed at the beginning and I kindof chuckle because I think there are many of us who have heard it all and know they "answers" and no they really don't help at all.

Nevertheless, your actions have proved those points exactly right. They have provided you the information that you need to prepare for the storms that will come. So, bravo to you for taking it and using it and preparing so that the other storms do not have the same impact. You are staying in control. D really keeps us on our toes. Never a chance to rest.

Tracy1918 said...

Oh Penny....don't feel bad. I know, I know, I was just blogging how I'm down over our A1C, which was great and now I'm trying to cheer you up.

For cryin' out loud. We have got to give ourself a break. We are doing our best and it really is awesome. Both of our kids had great numbers...we need to find a way to celebrate.

It will be never be perfect. Their sugar is going to rise--they have diabetes. This is just the way it goes.

I do hope you get the basal testing to Gary. Gosh knows, you will fix those little problems that come up.

I have absolutely no doubt. You are so determined to do this for Grace and I know you will continue to rock.

Lecture over. Smile.

Pam said...

Hi Penny!

I totally screwed myself by blogging about Grace's good a1c two weeks ago. Since then it's been a bit of a mess! I think she might be growing, too, since we've had a week of randomly high morning numbers. Like 300s high.

You'll figure it out. Take a deep breath and move past this.

Anonymous said...

We did go through puberty and survive. Ages 11, 12 to 13 and a half(puberty/pre and one year after period) were the most challenging experience, with basals trippling at times,6pm thru 2 or 3am, fortunately evenings and overnights when she was not away from home. Once you have upped those basals do not go to sleep as basals can and do drop into range and revert right back to baseline at 3am ish. You don't want to be caught with that doubled or tripled basal rate dripping in. You will survive; she will get through this. There is light at the end of the tunnel, where things revert to a much more normal blood sugar pattern (1.5 years post first menarche for us). P.S. my memory is now foggy but I do believe the really wild, craziest swings were from age 11 to 12 and a half.

k2 said...

Penny -
I'm so very impressed and awe of the relationship you have with Grace and Grace's diabetes.
I know you're not thrilled w/the 7.1 (which also happened to be my last A1C #,) but considering the hormones, the growth spurt, and avoiding the lows of 29, I think her you're an awesome job!!!

7.1 is closer to 6.9 in my book and still under a full point!
Keep up the great work my friend - YOU ROCK!