Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Separation

The high that is endless. Flippin' endless it seems. Almost a day now.

We are talking 250, 268, 230 and now to top it all off, we have a new contestant in the game - a 386 after a morning breakfast of homemade pumpkin bread. I hate that darned pumpkin bread. With a passion. I don't know how many carbs are in it as it's homemade, I keep increasing what I do bolus her for it and it never seems to be enough, I hate carb-guessing. I even did a +30% basal rate extend for 2 hours on top of the gigantor bolus I gave her,  and nothing - we got a 322 an hour later. Yes, yes, yes, coming down, but I want a number 1 on this roulette wheel of diabetes darn it!!!!!

I was mad this morning. Mad at the high. Mad at the numbers. Mad at the D.

I kept repeating to Grace that I wasn't mad at her, but mad at the diabetes. Mad that it will take all day, I just know it, to bring her down to an in-range number. It will interrupt our day. It will interfere with what we want to do. It just stinks today.

Then I felt so bad about being mad at the diabetes. Even though I tell her that I am not mad at her, it still stings. She is the one with diabetes, so if I am mad at diabetes, aren't I just a teensy bit mad at her? So hard to separate the two at times. Now I feel guilty and bad. Not my typical mood.

Today, I really don't like highs.
And I really don't like numbers.
And I really love my daughter.
And I really don't like diabetes much at all.

7 comments:

htimm=) said...

I'm so sorry Penny! I hope things get better for you today. The "I hate Diabetes" days are the worst. I had one yesterday too. =( Blessings to you my friend!

Steve said...

For homemade things, we use www.nutritiondata.com as it allows you to enter ingredients and then spits out the nutritional info. You still have to figure the serving size, which ain't always easy, but it seems to work pretty well for counting carbs. Try it out, and hope tomorrow is better.

Joanne said...

Sorry to hear about the stupid highs. I get mad at diabetes too when we see numbers like that. I hope she gets back into range soon and you find a way to conquer the pumpkin bread!

Hallie said...

I'm sorry. I don't like it either. But you will get it figured out and you will get her numbers down. D won't win. And when you get it under control, you can stick your tongue out at D and yell a big "TAKE THAT!".

Penny said...

Thanks everyone for your comments and thoughts. She came down, but it took a while. We have held steady since this afternoon.
Steve - thank you so much for the nutrition data site. I just went on and entered the entire recipe. It seems it's close to 60g of carbs. I was way off in my carb-guess. The site is fantastic, I plan to enter other recipes we eat. Thank you so very much for the info, I really appreciate it.

Reyna said...

PENNY, PENNY, PENNY...I LOVE YOU!!! It is fine to be mad at "D" at the highs, at the lows, at the frickin' non-stop, around the clock care. Home-made crap scares the be-jeezus out of me. I too am frequently left to guessing...educated guessing, but guessing non-the-less.

NO PUMPKIN BREAD THIS AM!!! xoxo

Lorraine of "This is Caleb..." said...

Ugh - so sorry. Hope it's improved since this post.