Urgency

That's me.

That's at least how I feel sometimes. And you, oh moms and caretakers of kids with diabetes? You feelin' it? Today was the day I felt it and then some.

G wants to go to diabetes camp in August. The camp is expensive. We need some financial help to send her there. We have three kids at home and I cannot blow the entire summer budget on one child. That isn't fair and it isn't right. Then diabetes takes precedence over everyone and everything and you know what gets built as a result of all that?

Resentment.

And we don't need any of that here, thank you very much.

So, I have to find other ways to get her to camp. And watch out when I am on a mission, cause people get left in the wake. You might be familiar with the feeling 'I have to get this done NOW!' The gut-wrenching feeling that it will all come down like a house of cards should you possibly not get it done.

I have been on this mission though for the past two months TWO. FLIPPIN. MONTHS. If you know me, and dear readers, if you read this blog, you know some of me. I do reach out for help. I like to think that when I see I cannot do it alone, I reach out and say "Hey, you know folks, come on over and lend a hand" but frankly, it's also not my first response to a problem. Maybe it's one of my weaknesses. We all got 'em.

So, it took a lot for me, about two months ago, to fess up and decide that we could not, and should not, pay for all of her camp week ourselves. We just can't. I realize how important it is for her to go and she so desperately wants to go. I know there will be years that we can pay the whole amount, but I also know that this year isn't one of them. So I asked for help.

After countless emails to Rotary Clubs, Lions Club and Charitable Clubs in my area, I was left exactly where I started. With not much of anything. Not one response to my emails and phone messages. And yes, I emailed A LOT. I called A LOT. I stated why she should go, our financial situation, everything. And after a while, that gets embarrassing. I keep asking and asking, with no response. Everyone tells me 'Reach out, people will help' and here I was reaching out, holding my hand out, and there was nothing. It was disheartening in many respects.

So today, two things happened.

1. The Camp director called me and said there was funds available from a source in New York, but he didn't know how much. I was thankful, delighted and heartened again. It lifted me throughout my morning. I have paperwork to do, forms to complete, letters to write and G has to write an essay why she would like to go. (Oh and of course, let me post that gem of an essay when it gets done, it's bound to be good.) There is hope.

2. One of the members of one of the 'Clubs' called me back. He stated he received two emails and a phone call from me. He told me that I stated the name of the Club wrong. He told me I stated I emailed three times when it was only two. If there was anything else wrong, he told me. He also asked me

"Why is there a sense of urgency?"

I about came undone, save for my morning phone call with the Camp director. I would have come undone had he not called. I was in a different place since someone had reached out and finally took my hand that I had been extending now for two months. It took his phone call for me to 'stand in another place.'

Sense of urgency buddy? Are you kidding me? Every day of my life feels like a sense of urgency. To get into this life all that we can, before it's gone. To wake a child up every morning and see that they are still here. To not pick a child up from a low blood sugar and not to spin out of control when the meter says 'HI' to me.

You bet there is a sense of urgency, just below the surface. All the time.

If you look close enough, my hair appears brown on the surface, but if you come close, really close, you will see that my roots are red.