DBlog Week: Chronic

Grace has grown up with diabetes since age 6, 

and is now 14, almost 15. 

There is a sense that this is the way it will be. 

And at times, 

that brings me a feeling of sadness 

that washes over it all. 

There is a hurry to the early days, 

months and years. 

I've felt days of sadness throughout them,

 but the teen years

 bring a different shadow.

Grace is on her own,

 dealing with her diabetes all day, every day. 

She's independent. 

I am the 'checking in' mom.

But it's all hers.

As a mom 

you don't think about how 

the chronic component will affect you. 

The chronic wears on me. 

The wearing 

creates the sadness

 that this will not change, 

no matter what I do.

So now we just wait it out. 

We just check

 and bolus

 and basal

 and carb count

 for the rest of her days.

 Yes, bionic pancreas,

 I hear you knocking.

 Still a device.

 Still something to tend.

 Still something to worry about 

as a mom. 

We do not talk enough

 about the monotony of it all. 

And the impact of the endless. 

We should. 

We should peek under the cover

 and bring it to the light.