Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Letter to Grace - DBlog Week

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Dear Grace,

Hello sweetie, it's Mommy. As I write this letter, you are 8 years old. You have had diabetes for a little over two years. Does it seem longer to you? It seems like forever to me, if I am being honest. It feels like you being six was a long, long, long time ago. I want you to know that I hold your memories of being a baby, a toddler, a preschooler and a kindergartener, before diabetes. You might not remember your life before diabetes entered it, but I do and I will, always.

I am writing this letter to you now, as you are 8, but I don't expect you to read it until you are much older. There are parts in here that you may not understand yet, but I want you to know that I thought them while you were young.

I want to tell you how ultimately brave you are, having diabetes at such a young age. I don't think I would have been nearly as courageous and honest and brave as you. I admire you so deeply for continuing to be who you are, throughout all of this. You face challenges with humor that leaves me rolling. You are honest beyond belief and I so love that about you. If I ever want to know how you feel or think, all I have to do is simply ask you. Please don't ever change that in your life. So many people you will meet wouldn't know an honest feeling if it hit them in their face, and yet, there you are at age 6, age 7, age 8, being brutally honest with me. Thank you for that, if I might not have told you yet. It will serve you well in life.

We are so lucky that you chose to come into our family and that you chose me as your mother. I am honored that you are in our lives, diabetes and all. I wouldn't change a thing about it, and now look at who's being honest, Mommy. I honestly wouldn't. I always tell you, 'it is what it is', right. Well, here I go again, honey, it is what it is. Acceptance and move through it, to enjoy your life and do all that you want to do. Yes, if there was a cure for Type 1 tomorrow, I would stand in line all night to make sure you are at the head of the line. But right now, thats's an elusive idea. I hope there is a cure in your lifetime. When that day comes, and if I am not around, please raise a glass in my name and yours, and say a thank you to the good Lord who let you live so long to see it and then say a blessing on those we have already lost to this disease, that they did not see the day.

I want to tell you something that you should know. It's hard to think about and even harder to write. I don't expect you to read this letter until you are older, older to understand more of Type 1. If something should ever happen to you, a low that you don't wake up from, a high for days, weeks, months, I want you to know something. This disease is hard. This disease can take it's toll. I want you to know that I have enjoyed every minute as your mother. Every single minute, even when I was being strict with you. I have loved you from the depths of my soul. I have lived in the moment since you were diagnosed, taking in every smile, every laugh, memorizing every good time, because in the back of my mind, no matter how much great care I give you and all that you learn to do to take care of yourself, it could happen. I don't say this to scare you, I say this because it is the reality. It is what it is. I want you to know how very loved you are. I want to tell you that I will see you again, in a place where we are all well and we have no worries. I want you to know how very much I loved being your mother.

I know you are going to grow up and do great things. I know you will do them with diabetes. Some people will know that about you and some will not. Prove every person who says 'you can't' wrong. If you take risks in life, if you play and work with all your heart, you will do fantastic things. Don't forget about your knees, a little time on them - working, praying, thanking - would be good for you every day too. There are always people in this world who have it worse than you. There is always someone who could use your help. So, whenever you get down, whether it be about life, love or diabetes, my advice to you is to get up and outside and look for ways to help others. Get your mind off yourself. The sun did not rise cause you got up this morning. Best to remember that.

I love you. No matter what. You are a fantastic child. You bring joy to our lives in so many ways. You are smart, capable and can do whatever you want in life. You have so many memories of your childhood - look back on them and realize that we all did the best we knew how for you. When you are older, you will do the best you can too, no more and no less. You will be a wonderful woman and mother when you grow up. You will do great things and I hope you do them with love.

Love,
Mommy

19 comments:

Reyna said...

Ok...I just told Haley this too (after reading her post). I don't cry often...but, here I am again tearing up. Penny, your wisdom and no nonsense attitude paired with your love is an amazing combination.

Grace is fortunate to be mothered by you.

I love you friend.

Roselady said...

Learning to accept and move forward. That's the biggest lesson in diabetes. Life is what you make it.

Heather said...

What a beautiful post, Penny. You are a wonderful mother.

monkeyschool said...

Beautiful post...I love this line " I admire you so deeply for continuing to be who you are, throughout all of this" :-) Hugs to you!

Lauren said...

This is such a sweet letter! I know Grace will cherish it when she reads it. You are a wonderful mother!

Vivian said...

OK, I am bawling over here. This was beautiful and speaks so loudly as a Mother's heart. Always know you are not alone in any of it.

Mike Durbin said...

Beautiful!

Alexis Nicole said...

That was intense. Beatiful and real.

Your an amazing mama and Im so blessed to know you!!

k2 said...

One hell of a letter!
One hell of a mother!
One hell of a kid!
AMAZING.
Kelly K

Heidi / D-Tales said...

Please make sure you actually give this to Grace some day. It's a wonderful, wonderful letter filled with love.

The DL said...

I pray she reads this one day. This is beautiful and made me cry. Thank you for sharing.

George said...

This is a wonderful letter. So perfect.

Jen said...

What a beautiful letter. Thanks for sharing!

Mike Lawson said...

Grace is totally lucky to have you!

Denise aka 'Mom of Bean' said...

Wow. Just amazing. How lucky Grace is to have you her mom.
There are bits of wisdom for all of us in your letter. It was a honor to be able to read it.

Cherished Children said...

Lovely letter...
*sniff*sniff*

Laura @ Houston We Have A Problem! said...

What a beautiful letter, Penny. I too hope that Grace has the opportunity to read this someday.

Thank you for sharing you beautiful words to Sweet Grace today.

Joanne said...

Beautiful letter. Grace is a blessed girl to have you.

Nicole said...

boy, all these wonderful letters from moms to their kids are so heart felt. I find myself holding back tears to finish reading. Wonderful letter!!