Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom.
8:30 pm Last night
I was about to tuck Grace into bed. The following is our conversation, in summary. I think it was about time. And she let her rip.
Goodnight honey, have a good sleep.... What's wrong? You look like you are gonna cry...
(The tears begin....) It's just that... it's that... I hate diabetes. I hate having to checking my blood sugar and I hate that I can't eat candy like other kids when I want all the time and I hate that I am different. You know why I loved camp Mom? You know it's because I wasn't the one who was different and I was there with all the kids and I wasn't different... I hate that I go to my friend's house and I can't eat what I want and I have to call you and get checked. And I don't like that it hurts sometimes and I just don't like it.
I am so sorry honey. I want to tell you I understand, but I'm not the one who has diabetes. So I can tell you that I am sorry you have diabetes and I will always help you. How can I help you? I am so sorry that you have this Type 1 diabetes. Mommy and Daddy really are sorry about it.
And you know what? When I am at the nurse's office, some kids peek at me checking my blood sugar and they gotta LOOK LOOK LOOK at what I am doing and they peek around the corner and I have NO privacy in there. It really bugs me. I mean they are looking at me do it and I don't like it. And I have to go to the nurse's office, that's another thing. I have to go and sometimes I am out of class and I don't like it. I don't like it that I have to go.
Maybe we can talk with Mrs. B and make a solution. Can you check around the corner of the desk or on the other side? Can you turn your back on the kids who are looking? What about the other table? I know you don't want people to look. I think they are looking cause they are curious, not cause they want to bother you. You can always ask them not to look and you can tell Mrs. B. to tell them not to look. I'm sorry you feel you don't have privacy sweetie.
But this stinks Mom. I mean I don't like it. I really don't like it.
Can I tell you something? Something I don't think I have told you lately? That I love you and your diabetes?
You LOVE diabetes? I don't think you can LOVE diabetes Mom!!!!! You love me cause you HAVE TO, you are my Mom!!!!
Well I do sweetie. Diabetes is a part of you, like your blue eyes and your brown hair and your funny personality and the way you dance around the house. It joined you late, at age 6, but it's just one part of you now. I love it cause it's part of you. It doesn't mean that I don't like how it makes you feel and what it does to your body and all the stuff we have to do because of it. But I love it cause I accept it as part of my love for you. You know your sister and her autism? I love the autism, cause it's part of her. It just is. I love her jokes, the way she loves things so intensely, the way she shares her joy, her love of all things Veggie Tales and her smile. And her autism. And your other sister, I love how she always gets the joke, her glasses and her hair and her braces and her love of all things beauty-related. You are all so different, but you all have pieces that I love. You happen to have diabetes. I love it cause it's part of you. That's just how I feel about it. You don't have to love it, it's ok. I just want you to know that I love all of you and it will be OK.
I'm not sure I love it Mom. OK, so I don't actually hate it. I mean I don't like it - the checking and the calling you and the carb counting, those things...I mean, B has a feeding tube in my classroom and he's different and he goes to the nurse all the time and my friend C has asthma and she can't go on the hayride at the orchard and they can't have a cat. I got a lot of different friends Mom. I just am sad. I'm sad about having diabetes tonight. I don't want to have it.
You want to call someone? You want to talk to L from camp? I have her phone number? Then you and her could chat about camp and what fun you had and then you could talk about how the D is bringing you down lately. You could call Kelly - she could talk with you. I mean, I know she's a grown up and all, but she has had D since she's been little like you. She would talk with you. I could call her and you could chat...
I could write to Kelly and tell her. I'm not sure I wanna talk with her, I think I am gonna cry and I don't want to talk with her and cry. I think I am tired Mom. I am really tired.
You want me to read some of your story to you?
Yeah, that would be good. I'll go to sleep and you read. Then I can fall asleep. And Mom, you know what? Thanks for taking care of my diabetes. I mean, I know I don't like it, but I 'm glad that you love it cause you love me.